So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You don't make any sense
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