hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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