Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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