omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
