Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
