I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
