I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
