What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
