I love black thongs
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We left the knife in your bed.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
