I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
