I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
