If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
