I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
