If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
