Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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