and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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