would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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