I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
