i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
