So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize