He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
