I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
