I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
