did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
