so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
