my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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