Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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