And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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