Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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