he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
