it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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