so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
