Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
