guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
