Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
In America we eat man semen.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
