Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
