Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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