Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
