Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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