I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
even my farts smell like vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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