he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
