Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
