sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
