??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
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The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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