Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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