I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
