Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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