he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
