remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
