lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
