Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
