i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
