You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
