pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
