I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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