and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
