How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
