If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
