I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
