he looks like a really good dad on facebook
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
