And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this hospital has no fireball
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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