Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
