This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
