Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
