After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
