I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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