Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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