I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
