Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
