Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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