On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
do herpes really smell.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
as a side note pls kill me
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