My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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