Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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