First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
