Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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