I can tuck mytits in my pants
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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