I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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