Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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