I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
