oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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