no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
