I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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