She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
