Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
